Your No BS Divorce Advice From those who know…
2017 may have been your worst year ever, especially if you’ve decided to file for divorce, signed the divorce papers or finally had the ‘discussion’ that it’s time to get a divorce. There are plenty of articles that talk about how to prepare for divorce and what to expect but what can you do to help yourself start a new year on a new path? We’ve listened to our current and past clients and compiled some of the best advice to pass along to you.
Set healthy boundaries: If you were the person in the marriage that could never say “no,” or you let things slide “just this once,” then you were the pleaser in the relationship. But not anymore — that’s over now, and you need to build new walls, within healthy reason. Find your own voice again.
Love yourself: As cliché as this sounds, loving yourself is critical to going through the process, dealing with the doubt and eventually starting over. This means you are gentle with yourself, and turn down that critical voice within. Whatever happened a year ago or five minutes ago is over, so stop focusing on it.
Journal: Keeping a journal is incredibly beneficial to keeping a positive mindset, helping you see how far you’ve come, and being a form of your own self help book. You’ll be surprised at what you have accomplished and how much you’ve grow as an individual, especially when you can reflect on your own written words.
Be honest with yourself: When you have spent years with another person, your beliefs may have become theirs, or vice versa. I often hear, “I have no idea who I am anymore,” which means you don’t have a solid footing of your own truth. Admit your flaws, learn from them or accept them as part of who you are. This exercise can be painful and yet empowering.
Don’t date for fear of being alone: If you’re feeling a void from your separation or divorce, you’re going to be tempted to fill it with another person. Take the time to ‘date yourself’ rebuild friendship’s, or consider finding new activities that can help fulfill that void.
Travel someplace new: or even alone! No one can say ‘no’ to you after suggesting a place to vacation, and if you have timeshare on custody then you have some free time now! You can go anywhere, so do it. It doesn’t have to be expensive, become a local California tourist!
The hard one; Smile: When everything feels like it’s going wrong, the last thing you want to do is smile. Even at the little things. I’ve been told that if you force yourself to smile for more than 10 seconds your body won’t realize you’re faking it, and before you know it you might actually feel some joy. ‘Fake it till you make it’, and until then know that this advice came from those before you who have come out on the other side, and one day you too will smile without having to fake it.
For more information and to schedule your free consultation, please call The Law Offices of Steven B. Chroman, P.C., at 661-255-1800 or visit us at www.chromanlaw.com. Mr. Chroman is a Trusted Advisor Award Winner and named Top 100 California Attorney’s with over 20 years of experience and local service. You can purchase Mr. Chroman’s best selling Divorce Workbook at: www.amazon.com/Preparing-Divorce.
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