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Handling the Holidays Without Your Loved One |
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Written by Jeff Zhorne
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Holidays are sad reminders of those we have lost. Whether it’s your first, 10th or 50th year without your loved one, the empty chair at holiday dinners can cause enormous pain.
“As a society we are not trained or prepared to deal with life’s most
predictable event and that is loss,” said grief counselor and author
Jeff Zhorne, a resident of Valencia.
Maybe it’s a sad movie or listening to a friend’s battle with cancer,
and slowly you feel your throat tighten. Feelings may bubble to the
surface and get lodged there. Many of us push those feelings right
back down.
“This buried pain is very real, has energy and doesn’t go away on its
own,” Zhorne said. Unresolved grief affects us negatively, sooner or
later. “It will make itself known when you least expect it.”
Zhorne said most people realize the need to resolve past loss issues
and finish unfinished emotional business. “But you rarely hear how to
actually do that,” he remarked. “How do we move out of fear and
isolation or end the pain?”
After the deaths of his two children, Jeremy and Amelia in 1991, Zhorne
found himself stuck in pain, isolation and loneliness. After much
education and training, and by sheer providence, he made some
incredible discoveries about himself and the process of emotional
healing. Today, as a grief counselor certified by The Grief Recovery
Institute, his practice is centered in Santa Clarita.
“Grief recovery provided a way of finishing what was so I could begin
to live with what is,” he recounted. “The more completion work I did,
the more I began to cherish fond memories of my children. They both
left a legacy of love, not pain.”
“If you are tired of temporary pain relief, tired of stuffing it, and
want to expand your life and relationships, the program provides a
step-by-step method for finishing unfinished emotional business and
moving beyond loss,” he said.
Zhorne said the pain won’t go away on its own, no one can recover alone
and time does not heal all wounds. With the correct tools we can
cherish fond memories of our loved ones. Sad memories won’t hurt us
any more.
The Grief Program is sponsoring a free community presentation on the
skills needed for working through loss at 7 p.m., Wednesday, December
10, at Santa Clarita City Hall, 23920 Valencia Blvd. For more
information call 661-733-0692. Whatever the nature of your loss,
recovery is finding new meaning for life.
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